It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

Those of you that know me in real life probably know that I had a birthday recently. I'm 35 now--don't be jealous ;).

What you probably don't know, is that I witnessed an act of blatant racism at my birthday celebration, which really put a damper on the whole evening. Let me explain...

One thing I love is crab. Another thing I love is the concept of all-you-can-eat. Put those two together and you have all you can eat crab, or as I like to call it--a crabstravaganza.

Being the great guy that he is, my husband made reservations for us at a local seafood place that has all you can eat king crab legs on Thursdays. I personally wouldn't describe it as fancy, but they have tablecloths on the tables. And it's seafood for a landlocked state, so it wasn't cheap.

Anyhoo, we're there and we are enjoying ourselves talking. We had already paid the bill and were just kind of sitting there when all of a sudden we start to hear this commotion. All of a sudden, I hear someone say,

"GHETTO?! Something something something FUCKING GHETTO."

So, I turn to look and I see a youngish black man yelling. There are a few white people around him, I'm assuming trying to get him to stop. He starts to leave the restaurant and his date/girlfriend (who is white,) goes with him. I quickly got my coat and started to follow him out of the restaurant. As I get to the door, I hear someone talking on the phone saying, "He's leaving right now." I make two assumptions here: 1) That person is the manager and 2) The manager is talking to the police. I acknowledge that both of those things could be false.

So I'm trying to catch up with him and he is outside, still agitated, and now being followed by a cook at the restaurant. So I get to him and calmly say, "What happened?"

He tells us that he came in, was talking with his server and asked a question about the menu. Someone near him (he didn't know who,) said,

"Go back to the ghetto."

Yep.

Now, some of you might be wondering...Well, what did he ask the server?

To you I say, "WHAT IS A QUESTION THAT YOU COULD ASK YOUR SERVER THAT WOULD JUSTIFY SOMEONE SAYING, 'Go back to the ghetto.'"?!?

Those same some of yous may also be wondering, Well, what was he wearing?

Again, "HOW WOULD A PERSON NEED TO BE DRESSED TO JUSTIFY SOMEONE SAYING, 'Go back to the ghetto.'?!!?"

The white cook listened for awhile and then said, "Well, if that happened, I'm sorry." They shook hands and the cook went back inside.

So then he and I talked for a few minutes more. I told him that I was sorry that that happened to him, and that the person who did it was wrong. I told him that he should just keep doing the positive things that he was doing in his life. He had basically told me his whole life story in the few minutes that I was talking to him. I honestly think that what had just occurred was so jarring, that he was just still trying to comprehend what happened, so he was talking a mile a minute.

At the end of our conversation, he asked me if he could give me a hug. I was glad that he asked, because I wanted to give him one, but didn't want to offer. Then we all got in our respective cars and left.

I wish I had done two things differently:

1.) I wish I had given him a better hug, because I am an awesome hug-giver.

2.) I wish I had said, "Keep your head up." That exact phrase, because a stranger said it to me several years ago, and it had a profound impact on my life. It was random, but I guess the stars were all aligned that day or something.

My husband and I talked quite a bit about what happened, and like the title says, I did cry about it. I can already tell you that Anonymous doesn't like that, but you know what--I don't care. I am a sensitive person, and seeing people be cruel to one another makes me sad.

One of the things that we talked about was how the person that made the comment is probably feeling quite satisfied with himself, because he sees the outburst that happened as proof that his feelings were justified. Completely forgetting the fact that he is the one that started the whole pathetic scene by being a complete a-hole.

I mean, really--is it too much to ask that a person be free to go to whatever restaurant they'd like without wondering if some other random diner is going to try to insult him? I don't think so.

Then I wondered what all the other white diners did, after we left. I know other people heard what was said, how did they react?

Some suggestions from my id:

What the f-ck did you just say!? also,
You're an embarrassment to white people.

Some better ideas:

That was uncalled for. I know you think everyone agrees with you, but I don't.
From the manager: Please leave.

But who knows what happened? I don't.

I honestly believe that incidents like this are part of the reason that black people's life expectancy is 4 years shorter than white people's. Experiences like this raise your blood pressure. And even if they don't happen, wondering if they are going to happen when you're with unfamiliar people has to have an impact on your stress level.

I also thought about what allowed me to go out and talk to him, really without even thinking about it. I decided it was love.

Because it was my birthday, I had been showered with love that day from my friends and my family. People I've known since elementary school, new friends I've recently made, people I've never met except on the computer, people I only met once but thought were cool and made be my friend on Facebook--these people took time out of their day to show me that they cared about me. I was also blessed to grow up in a house where I felt valued and appreciated. I had just finished a dinner with a man that loves and respects me. All that love pushed me out the door to try and bring comfort to someone who needed it.

So, like I said in my status update the next day--try to spread love into the world. I think the guy who made the comment needed some more love in his life.Even if you're scared, just do what you know is right, and don't let fear hold you back. When you don't live your values, you let yourself down. That is worse than any likely negative repercussion you would face from speaking up.

I could say more, but I'll end it here. If you're thinking/feeling something--let me know in the comments.



To like myblackfriendsays.com on facebook, click here.
To follow me on twitter (@myblackfriend) click here.

Who owns the fisheries?

Hi y'all.

It's been a minute. I haven't been posting, and unlike most times when I haven't been posting, I also haven't been reading other blogs. So if I'm a regular commenter on your blog, don't worry. Your content didn't suddenly get super boring.

Today, I wanted to talk about an example from popular culture that I think is a good example of structural racism. Structural classism could probably apply too.

Like this previous post, the idea for today's post came to me as I was watching an episode of CBS Sunday Morning . Seriously, why I haven't I been watching that show my whole life? I really like it.

The segment in question was a profile on The Gregory Brothers. Even if that name doesn't sound familiar, it is likely that you have seen some of their work. This family takes news clips and then autotunes them and turns them into songs. They're really big on youtube. I was gonna put up one of their videos right now, but I think it would be better to first put up a news clip, so you can see the raw materials that they're working with:



Okay and now here's the song that they made:



Now here is the point in the post where someone is thinking, "Oh, I know what is going to happen next. Myblackfriend is going to tell us all about the evil white people and how bad they are for exploiting the black man from the projects."

WRONG.

Now, I'll admit I did think that was the direction we were going when I first started watching the segment on Sunday Morning. But then I heard the brothers say that they split the proceeds of all their song downloads with the person featured. I think that is honorable. Especially because there is probably a way that the siblings could have used some legal maneuvering to get out of paying the subjects of the videos anything. And it appears to be something that they really want viewers to know, because did you see how they made it very clear in the second video above?

So, I have to say I don't have a problem with them making money off the colorful characters from news broadcasts, primarily because they are splitting the profits 50/50.

However...

remember in this post when I said that black people own 1% of the wealth in the United States, which is the exact same percentage they owned at the end of The Civil War, 140 someodd years ago? The Gregory Brothers and Antoine Dodson are an illustration of one of the reasons that that is the case.

You see, The Gregory Brothers don't have this one song download that they're making money off of, they have hundreds of millions of views of their videos on youtube. They have an app for your phone that will autotune whatever you say. They also tour, and sell Gregory Siblings merchandise. They are working on a pilot for a show on Comedy Central. Something tells me they are not splitting the profits from all of these other revenue streams with anyone but people whose last name is Gregory.

So Antoine gets a nice chunk of change for being funny on the news, and the siblings get even nicer, even larger chunks of change for coming up with the whole idea.

Which leads me to my next point--how did they come up with this idea anyway? Realize the next paragraph is pure speculation. But if I can't speculate and put out potentially incorrect information on the internet--where else am I supposed to do it?

So my theory is that the brothers have been interested in computers and audio stuff for awhile, let's say starting in middle school. They had parents that had the means and/or went to schools that had the facilities to allow them to cultivate their talents. And since public schools are financed primarily by property taxes, people who live in housing owned by the government (like Antoine,) probably don't have schools with nice A/V departments. So people like Antoine aren't thinking "Hey, I'm gonna mess around with this soundboard, and 15 years from now I am going to think of something that's going to make me and my brothers a lot of money!"

I just want to be clear that I am not hating on The Gregory Brothers. They had an idea, and since they live in this great country that is the United States, they were
able to turn that idea into money.

What I am saying is that there were structures in place that made it much more likely that they would be the ones making the video and Antoine would be the one in the video, instead of the other way around.

Which leads me to the title of this post. You know that saying about give a man a fish vs. teach a man to fish? What happened in this situation?

I personally think it's somewhere in the middle. They didn't give Antoine a fish, because he did do something. But I don't think they taught him how to fish either, because the brothers are in the process of building an empire that Antoine is not a part of. I mean, Antoine wasn't the one being interviewed on CBS Sunday Morning.

I hope that Antoine is able to take the fame and money that he receives from the song and parlay it into financial security and for him and his family. And I also hope that we as a society can take a closer look at situations like this one, and figure out a way that generations from now we won't have a really good idea of who's playing what role based on the color of their skin.

There are a lot of other questions that can be discussed (this whole thing started because of an attempted rape--what's funny about that? Does Antoine make black people look bad because he's keepin' it real? The newsclip has way more views than the song--who's making money off of that?) But I am going to end it here.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts. So don't be shy; leave me a comment.

Five things every freedom fighter should know.

Yesterday, I started a post about the whole Chick-Fil-A sitchination. However, I quickly realized that I had so many thoughts in my head, that even my beloved bullet points wouldn't help me get them organized.

Then, the idea for this post came to me. Immediately, it was already appearing to flow better while it was still in my brain. So, I'm gonna go with the brain flow.

Let me first talk about the term freedom fighter. I like the alliteration, but I don't necessarily like the imagery. Freedom fighter brings to mind bandanas around the bottom half of the face and molotov cocktails. I'm not really a fan of either of those things for myself. The term freedom seeker would work, but then we lose the fuh fuh. So we'll just stick with the original.

Now the question becomes, freedom from/to what?

Well, when I think of freedom, I think primarily of freedom from the shackles in our minds that are holding us back. All the messages that we get about what we are, what we aren't, what we can be, and what we can't be. As Oprah would say, the things that are keeping us from being our best selves.

It's like, the more I read about and think about, and do things related to issues of race and inequality, the more I realize that it really does all start in our minds. So these tips are for anyone who is also interested in moving beyond racism and all the other -isms, and creating positive change in the world.

#1) be honest with yourself and others.

I will be the first to admit that I struggle with and perpetuate racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, heightism, lookism, sizeism, classism, speciesism, ageism, xenophobia, transphobia, and any other -ism or -phobia that I forgot about, or have yet to hear about. If the premise is that I make snap judgments about people (and animals) and treat them better or worse as a result--then the answer is Yep, that's true.

The reason that it is important for me to admit this is because the less time that I waste trying to claim that I don't hold these biased attitudes, the more time I can spend examining said attitudes, and doing things to help lessen the frequency of the thoughts that come from the attitudes, which will eventually lead to decreased frequency of biased actions.

myblackfriend, did you just say you were a homophobe? I thought you liked gay people!

I do like gay people (at least most of the ones I've met so far.) And, you'll notice I didn't say I was a homophobe, I said I perpetuate homophobia through my thoughts and behaviors. When we apply labels like homophobe or racist, it's like we are trying to sum up a person's entire identity in one very hate-charged word. No one can be defined so completely so succinctly.

And because those words (and all the other words in the list above,) are things that very few people want associated with them, people will spend a lot of time defending themselves against such labels, instead of just being open to learning how to do things differently. But if we make a much more specific statement, we can accept it as true and move on. I am not completely defined by those thoughts and behaviors, they are just one aspect of my personality. This leads nicely to point my next point...

#2) No one is perfect, including you. And that's ok.

There used to be a thing going around on Facebook: 25 random things about me. Remember that? Boy that was fun. If any of my facebook friends wants to start that up again, that'd be cool; I really liked learning new things about you.

Anyhoo, one of the random facts I wrote when I did it was,

I believe there are two kinds of people in this world: good people, and good people who are covered up with varying layers of bad.

I believed that at the time, but now I would change it to this:

I believe there is one kind of people in this world: good people covered up by varying layers of bad.

No one is perfect. There was one Guy that was supposedly perfect, and his name was Jesus. But a lot of people don't even believe in Him. And even if you do, he wasn't just a Guy, he was the son of God. You're not a Guy, you're just a guy (or gal.) So remember that the next time you screw up and say something racist, or have a snarky thought about an overweight person. It happens. Why? Because you're not Jesus.

The decision then becomes: What are you gonna do about it? You can hold yourself up to some unrealistic expectation that you clearly haven't met and then waste time rationalizing and minimizing to hold onto a false view of yourself, or you can say, "I screwed up and next time, I will do better. Because it is important to me to do better." Then keep it movin'.

#3) Help the biases that you have about other people help you to understand the biases that other people have about you.

Since you've already accepted your biases (see #1,) you can now start to really examine them, which is kind of exciting.

Where did these biases come from?
When did they start?
What's going on with me right before I think/do something that perpetuates an -ism? How do I feel as I'm doing it? Afterwards?

I'll answer the first question to help illustrate my point.

This is the first instance that I can remember of being exposed to gay people in a movie:

Biloxi Blues. It's a movie about some guys in the military. There is a scene where the the main character goes into the latrine and comes across two guys doing something--it all happens very fast, so the viewer is not sure what exactly. But they are discovered, and one of the guys starts to leave quickly through the bathroom window. I was a young kid when this movie came out, so I asked an adult that was with me what happened. The adult told me that the two guys were gay, and that was the end of the conversation. So the connection in my mind was made that gay= do secret things in the bathroom and run away through the window when someone else comes in. And get kicked out of the military. To my young military brat mind, I knew that you only got kicked out of the military for doing very bad things.

Now for the first time I was exposed to transgendered/cross-dressing character: Silence of the Lambs.

Spoiler Alert: Don't read the rest of this paragraph if you don't want the whole plot of the movie given away. In Silence of the Lambs, the killer is a transgendered person or a cross dresser (I don't believe they clarify which,) who is killing women so he can make a suit out of their skin. So in my mind transgendered = serial killer.


So in my young mind transgendered = good person covered up by lots and lots and lots and lots of layers of bad.


This is at least part of the explanation of where my bias against people who don't fit neatly into the heterosexual box comes from. If I hadn't made the choice to see movies like Transamerica, or Brokeback Mountain, or Pariah--the two examples above would hold a much bigger space in my brain.

Making the conscious decision to see the movies with the more positive messages contribute to me to seeing movies like The Hangover as an adult and say, "Hey that gay slur was not cool, and didn't add much to the plot. What was the point of putting it in there?" It is also worth noting that the blockbuster hit of the Summer of 2009 will give some kid 20 years from now the opportunity to write on his blog, "My first exposure to homophobia on the big screen was when I saw The Hangover..."

So a lot of my bias came when I was a young impressionable child, consuming extremely popular media put out by extremely reputable corporations. So when I see someone who has racist behavior, it is not unreasonable to assume that perhaps that at least part of where their bias towards me comes from similar sources.

Since I am not an evil, vile person, he/she is probably not an evil/vile person either. This is what helps me to have reasonable conversations with people (on this blog and in person,) instead of yelling at them, calling them names, and pulling their hair. This does not lead me well into thing #4.

#4) Stop fighting with other people who are in the struggle.

Please stop comparing your struggle to other struggles, trying to prove why yours is just as/more valid than another one. When I hear "________ is the last socially acceptable prejudice." I have to make the conscious decision not to roll my eyes. (forgive me, but it is true.)

The reality is that they are all still socially acceptable prejudices; that is why they all still exist. It doesn't matter if you were born that way, or choose to be that way, it doesn't matter how you were dressed, it doesn't matter whose ancestors had it worse. Time spent trying to one-up each other or negate certain groups--that is time that could be spent on actually doing the work of making things better.

you can read more on my thoughts on #4 here and here. That leads to a pretty good segue to #5


#5) We are all in the struggle.

Some of us don't even know it, and are actually doing things that make the struggle worse. But as my white friend 5280 tech so eloquently said on this post,

I think a lot of white people have these moments where they wish they were black (I know I have,) so they could not always be seen as the over dog and the cause for other peoples' problems. It seems nice to think about being part of a struggle and taking down the system. If I am being honest with myself I could probably boil these thoughts of struggle down to "I wish I had an excuse for all this shit going on in my life.

I know from secondhand experience that being a straight, white, male (rich or otherwise,) is not easy.

Just because someone else appears to have it worse than me, that doesn't mean that I don't have the right to feel my own pain. At the same time, it doesn't mean that I can't hold myself or others accountable, and it doesn't give the the right to try to inflict pain on others in a misguided and ineffective attempt to try and feel better about myself.


But it does give me the right to say, "This sucks. And it doesn't just suck because of me. Sure, I've screwed up (see #2,) but there are other factors at play also."

We all need to get in touch with our own pain. We need to look at those "other factors" that we didn't control but that have hurt us. Examining our own struggle will help us to move through it. It will help us to see the struggle in others. It will help us to have compassion.It will help us to see the difference between people who know they are in the struggle and those who don't. It will help guide us to what to do next, and figure out what numbers 6 through infinity are on this list.

But most importantly it will help us to Get Free.

As always, I am interested to hear what you think. Do you have #6 (or 7 and 8) to add? If you do, or if you have anything else to share, leave me a comment.

Housekeeping?

Just a few odds and ends I wanted to go over with you all.

First, I updated my blogroll. I took some blogs off that hadn't been updated in forever (but not you, Eddie ;) I also deleted some that I don't really read anymore. However, I also added a few that I think are worth checking out. It's not a complete list of the blogs I read, just a few that I enjoy, and ones where I don't think the authors would mind having a few more randoms from the internet checking out what they have to say. If you find your blog listed there, don't expect your server to crash from the new mbfs traffic :p You can find them over on the right hand side of your screen where it says "my blog list."

b) I also added some books to my "read more books" section. Right now there are 36 books there, all things that I have read that have somehow shaped my views on race and inequality. While it says that it takes you to 'my store' when you click on the link, I don't make any money if you purchase the books from amazon. But I'm sure the authors wouldn't mind making a few extra bucks (or dimes) from the sale. You can find those also on the right hand side, just click on the orange letters at the top of the books.

III) There are a few more ways that you can connect with me. You can follow me on twitter , and/or 'like' this blog on facebook. I try to post different content on both of those sites, things that you won't necessarily see on the blog.

Like, on twitter you can learn all about my reversible belt. On Facebook you can find out that some Republicans in Mississippi are even more racist than you thought :p

You can also follow the blog with google friend connect. I'll be honest and say I am not really sure how google friend connect works. But those now 56 people (Hi Ivonne!) over on the top right I think will tell you that google sends you an email whenever I make a new post. Plus, you get to put your pretty picture up, and people can see any blogs that you write and other blogs that you like to read. Or you can just remain anonymous and get the email.

Conclusion: I have been debating whether or not to put the information in III at the end of all my posts in some abbreviated form. I'm still debating it, but know if I do do it, I'm not trying to be annoying.

I'm not really seeing much here to comment on, but if you have one--leave it. If you'd like to share some of your favorite blogs that you think I would enjoy--feel free to leave those too.

The rest of the story...

Awhile back, I wrote about Tyler Clementi's suicide and how it (and the suicides of countless other teens,) spurred me to recommit myself to speaking out about homophobia and also continue to examine my own heterosexist thoughts and feelings.

Well, wouldn't you know it, just a few days after I wrote that post I had the opportunity to put my proverbial money where my proverbial mouth was. Here's how it all went down...

I was on Facebook and I noticed that one of my friends (a member of my extended family actually,) was making comments every so often about gay people that seemed to be intended as jokes, but were very liberal in their use of gay slurs. It's interesting because even with the Public Service Announcements that are around these days, it would seem that using derogatory language around being gay is still pretty prevalent among young people.

So I'm reading my news feed, seeing these comments and thinking to myself, "Ok, I need to say something about this because I consider myself a person who cares about these issues. And if I am a person that truly cares, I have to show it through my actions."

Not long after having those thoughts, these strong feelings of fear and anxiety came over me. "What if Ken (that's my fake name for my relative,) gets really angry? What if he defriends me? What if he talks to some of our other relatives, and it turns into this big thing?"

What's funny about this is that Ken is not someone that I talk to often and see even less frequently; so my concern about what he would think didn't make a whole lot of sense. But as I type that last sentence, I understand that my fear actually does make a lot of sense. Because I (like most other people,) have a basic need to feel liked and accepted by others. Especially members of my own family. And I was considering risking that like and acceptance to speak out about something that many would argue doesn't directly affect me.

So, after I decided I needed to say something, I also just happened to decide that I needed to clean my house. So I did some vacuuming. Then I did some organizing of my books and papers. Then I did some straightening of my couch cushions. Next thing you know it was almost 5 o'clock, and time for me to go pick my husband up from work. As I was driving to pick him up, I thought to myself, "Making this decision to speak to Ken is really hard. Maybe I won't say anything. Then I can make a blog post about how hard it is, and how my difficulty helps me understand why my white friends don't speak out about racism."

[Spoiler alert: Luckily, that is not what this blog post is going to be about, and I will explain why later.]

Eventually, I decided to stop my procrastinating, and started to take some steps that were going to help me say what I needed to say to Ken.

I went for help to the same place that I go to find answers to many of life's burning questions: Google. Google is actually my homepage, so I went there and typed in: How to respond to homophobic comments or something like that.

I came across a British site that said if you hear a comment like this, you should turn to the person say "Well, isn't that a disgusting comment?" and turn away.

Um, yeah...no.

I think reacting in that way would primarily serve to make the person making the comment feel shamed, which would most likely lead to anger and defensiveness. That was not the reaction that I was going for.

After, clicking on a couple more links, I realized that I would pretty much be on my own when it came to crafting a response to Ken. This is what I came up with:

Yo Ken-

I wanted to write you about some stuff that I've seen recently on your wall. I've debated writing this message for a couple of days, but finally decided that it was better to say something than to not.

I think that the gay related comments that I've been reading recently are not very cool. I know that you and your friends are probably just joking around, but anti gay comments, lead to anti gay feelings, which lead to anti gay behavior. Maybe not by you, but I'm sure you've got some young impressionable people among your FB friends.

Besides, you are a funny guy, and I know that you can find other ways to show that fact that don't include putting other people down.

So, that's it. I hope that I can still maintain my favorite [insert familial relationship here] status. If you want to talk more about this--you know where to find me.


myblackfriendsays.com

Change Ken to his name and myblackfriendsays.com to my name and you've got the actual message unedited. There are a couple of things that I think are important to point out about what I wrote.

1) I tried to make the message as brief as possible. I didn't want any extra words, because I felt like the more extraneous words the greater likelihood the message I was trying to convey would get lost.

2) I tried to speak his language. He's young and hip, so I tapped into my young and hip side by using totally up-to-the-minute slang like, yo and cool. :p

It's important to note that I wasn't being inauthentic, I use those words even when I'm not talking to teenagers. The point is that since he's a young guy, I used a more casual tone than I would have if I'd been talking to my Grandma.

3) I started by telling him that I debated even writing him about it. The hope is that by expressing my hesitation, I am making myself a little vulnerable to him, which might make him feel less defensive.

4) I made the point clear that words can lead to actions, which is why something as minor as a status update is important.

5) I didn't claim to know what his intentions were, or make any assumptions about what him using that kind of language meant about him as a human being. I feel strongly that if I am trying to influence others to be more compassionate, the best way to do that is to be compassionate myself.

I've gone back and forth about whether or not I should tell you all about what happened next. I've decided that I shouldn't and I've got a pretty good reason.

I know, I know, some of you are now thinking, "Oh, it was a complete disaster." I will say that it wasn't. I will also say I was satisfied with the outcome.

But the reason I don't want to share the details is because if you go back to the first paragraph, what I am committing to doing is not changing the behavior of others. Since I don't have superpowers, I don't have the ability to control what other people do. What I can control is my own behavior. I can decide, "I'm gonna say something. And I'm gonna say it in the way that I think gets my point across most effectively."

I interviewed a guy once who was applying for a fundraising position who said, "It's not my job to raise money, it's my job to ask for money. And as long as I'm asking for money in the best possible way, I am doing my job." Love that answer.

When we confront people about -ism's--we can't control how they respond. All we can control is how we present what we have to say, and how we respond to whatever reaction they might have. Of course, we're doing it in the hopes that it will change behavior, but if that becomes the focus. it becomes really easy to stay in this place of doing nothing. We can psych ourselves out before we even take action by saying, " Oh, that is not going to work. She's not going to change her mind."

There's some other saying (I can't remember the exact wording,) about how if you don't try, you are 100% guaranteed to fail. My goal is to attempt to throw a wrench into the workings of the status quo. To be true to myself by refusing to remain silent. To say to people, "Everyone does not think like you do. Here's another way to look at this." I hope by sharing my message to Ken, I might be able to help you when you want to say something to someone but are afraid; or feel like you just don't know how.

I could talk about an analogy involving farming and therapy, but I think I've shared enough sayings and stories for today. If you have any thoughts, comments, questions--feel free to leave them. And if you'd like to share what superpower you'd choose to have (I think I'd go with invisibility,)...feel free to leave that too.