Awhile back, I was at a piano bar celebrating a birthday party. Not my birthday, someone else's. As the party was winding down, I went up to the bar to close my tab. As is customary, the white bartender asked me for my last name. I told him and he said, "You don't look like a _____."
I've been trying to think of a last name that I could use for the purposes of this post that would get the point across, without me having to reveal my own last name. I've decided on Gustafson. So I tell him my last name and he says, "You don't look like a Gustafson."
'Tis true. When people think of someone with the last name of Gustafson they are probably more likely to picture someone that looks like this:
than that fine young woman you see over there to your right. I get that he was taken by surprise. What I don't get was why he felt compelled to say something to me about it. Was he looking for me to explain myself?
I too, was taken by surprise. I mumbled something (probably like ehhhmmggth) got my card, tipped his dumb ass and left.
Why did I call him a dumb ass? Because he annoyed me, and that is a term I like to use for people that annoy me.
But why did he annoy me? That is a more difficult question to answer. I thought what he said was inappropriate and racish. It's like, "You don't know me like that, bartender--just give me my mmereffing debit card and be on your way."
And like I said, I got the sense that he wanted some kind of explanation from me for why I had this last name that didn't fit with his understanding of the way the world works.
I suppose that one good thing about it is that his horizons were expanded, and the next time a customer's last name doesn't fit with his preconceived notions, his mind will be a little less blown. Or, maybe he'll say, "What the heck--you're the second black person named Gustafson that's come into this bar. What is the deal?!?"
I'll hope for the former.
If you've ever been in a similar situation, or if you haven't--I'd love to hear your comments.
P.S. Happy New Year!
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