Friday, April 24, 2009

Follow-up Fridays



It's Follow-up Friday time! I'm going to cover three comments today. However, Marshall--yours will not be one of them. I think soon, though (:

I want to start off by saying I am becoming borderline obsessed with comments. This blog is my baby, and I am really interested in hearing how people are responding to it. I know people are reading, and I don't want you to be afraid to type some lines and tell me what's going through your head. So even if it's something like this, from my faithful reader Dana:

Wait...what happened to Wednesday?

Write it up and send it to me. Dana, to answer your question--I didn't make a post on Wednesday. Good eye, good eye.

Moving onto a comment that I received on my last follow-up friday post from my friend, Weezermonkey. Last week, there was a comment that asked me about all the other "minorities" that have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. I asked who the person was referring to, and then asked my Asian-American readers how they liked constantly being referred to as the "model minority." This is part of what weezermonkey had to say.

To be honest, I don't mind being referred to as a "model minority." As far as labels go, it's a pretty good one.

I want to say thanks to weezermonkey for reminding me of an important lesson. When I asked that question, I was looking for someone to say something like the following, "being called the model minority sucks, because it puts too much pressure on me, makes people assume things about me, etc. etc." That's because those are my thoughts on the subject.

But, by thinking that I could predict what someone else's thoughts on the subject would be (particularly a person of color's,) I was going against one of the main points of this whole blog: that people of color have the right (like white people,) to be seen as individuals. We are multi-dimensional and do not all think the same way. I forgot that myself for a moment, and I want to give a shout out to weezermonkey for reminding me of it.

It's important for me to acknowledge that I still fall into these patterns, and I've been studying this stuff for years. I think this shows how ingrained our conditioning around issues of race and inequality really is, and how it is up to all of us to try and stay aware and recognize when we're falling into ways of thinking that are not constructive.

You can read more about my thoughts on this subject here, here and here. I would also encourage you to check out weezermoney's fabulous blog morefunthanabarrel about her fantastical food adventures in California.

Finally, a comment from your friend and mine--Anonymous. I'm kidding, I'm pretty sure all these Anonymous' are different people. Except when they tell me they're the same. Anyhoo, Anonymous left this comment on my post sharing my experiences with my thoughts around the clothes making the (wo)man:

sorry but this is just one thing that is not about race at all. i am white and i don't dress in sweats or sneaks when i go out of the house b/c i don't like to look dumpy. i like to present myself in a certain way. am i a shallow white person b/c of that? i grew up poorer than dirt to a single mom in an all white ghetto. i have made a very good life for myself and presenting my person a certain way is about pride. i'm not saying i look down on people in hoodies and sneaks because i don't but really? because i make an effort to never dress that way myself i send some kind of bad message? i really enjoy your blog but this whole post smacks of "i have nothing else to write about today."

oh, and i wear second hand clothes all the time. hell, some of the 2nd hand stuff i have is nicer than a lot of what i buy new b/c i can buy better brands used. another false/weird perception on your part this time around, i feel.


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sorry but this is just one thing that is not about race at all.

Maybe not to you, but it is to me. I certainly get that people who aren't black can be concerned about wanting to consistently appear a certain way. That is part of why I asked the question at the end of the post, "How do you let people's potential negative assumptions about you inhibit your self-expression?" I knew that everyone could have some kind of answer to that, regardless of their race. That's also why I posted that Pretty Woman clip, I don't think there were any black people in that movie. The point that I was trying to make is that for me my hangups around this issue were related to my race. And it's not really your place to tell me whether or not my experience is valid. We are different people who've had different lives. Sometimes, we are going to perceive the same things differently--and that's ok. I would never want to negate the validity of your experience, and I would ask for the same respect from you.

i am white and i don't dress in sweats or sneaks when i go out of the house b/c i don't like to look dumpy.

What if you did go out of the house looking "dumpy"? Would that send some message about how people should treat you? If so, what message would that be?

i like to present myself in a certain way. am i a shallow white person b/c of that?

No, you aren't. In my original post the people that I referred to as "shallow" were the people who base the level of respect they give someone on how the person is dressed. Like the clerk in the movie. (Sidenote: I scoured youtube for the first clip where the saleswoman is all rude, to no avail.)

I would also offer to you the idea that if you are intent on never leaving the house without looking "presentable," (like I was,)
you might want to take a look at where that comes from.

i grew up poorer than dirt to a single mom in an all white ghetto.

What messages did you receive growing up about what kind of people lived in all-white ghettos? How were people in your neighborhood treated by others around them; people of different races or economic classes? How did/do you feel about the people that you lived around when you were younger?

i have made a very good life for myself and presenting my person a certain way is about pride.

I think it's great that you have made a good life for yourself, I sincerely mean that. And I definitely can relate to using my external appearance to send a message to the world about how I feel inside. I think that can be a very valuable thing.

At the same time, I think pride (at its core,) has little to nothing to do with the clothes that we wear. Pride comes from within, and it should be there if we're wearing a paper bag with sewage on it, cinched at the waist with a frayed rope belt. I mean look at this guy:



Whenever I saw him on tv, he was always dressed in some fine articles of clothing. I know a thing or two about clothes, and I can guarantee you he wasn't buying his stuff at wal-mart. Yet, he felt so empty and worthless inside that he spent decades of his life engaged in a unimaginable deception. He screwed up the lives of countless people, and is most likely going to die alone in a prison cell. Those expensive suits aren't going to be much use to him there, and the fact that he wore them didn't tell us much about what kind of person he was.

i really enjoy your blog

Glad to hear it (: I'm also glad to know that you read it somewhat regularly, I really hope that you will share your feedback about my feedback.

but this whole post smacks of "i have nothing else to write about today."

That's unfortunate that you think that, I thought my original post was actually quite good. I said before that I have a list of topics that I can write about if there's nothing current event-y that I want to discuss, this topic was on that list. But hey, you are entitled to your opinion.

oh, and i wear second hand clothes all the time. hell, some of the 2nd hand stuff i have is nicer than a lot of what i buy new b/c i can buy better brands used. another false/weird perception on your part this time around, i feel.

Yeah, that's probably true. I tend to only buy vintage t-shits at secondhand stores, but I have heard that people can get some pretty nice stuff there.

So, that's it for today. Anonymous, like I said--I'd love to hear more of your thoughts. And to all of my other readers, thanks for taking time out of your day to check out what I have to say. If you leave me comments, it will make me happy (:

4 comments:

  1. Um...what do you do for a living?

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  2. Thanks for the shout-out!

    It's interesting that you expected someone to say that the "model minority" label puts undue pressure on those of Asian descent. I surmise I've never felt this way about the label because I used to be quite the chronic overachiever.

    I've gotten rather lazy and complacent in my old age, though. If anything, I now get to ride the wave of the label rather undeservedly.

    On a funny note, this reminds me of my favorite article from The Onion.

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  3. I really like your site. You are not afraid to pull any punches.
    xoxo Nita

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  4. I love what I read so far - I wonder how many ProjectRunGay readers found you in the last couple of days? I'm going to be a regular visitor, definitely.

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