Motivational music monday

I don't know about you, but I need some happy music. The mistrial in the Michael Dunn case, Juror #8, unrest in Ukraine and Syria--and lets not forget about Jonathan Ferrell and Trayvon Martin.


It's easy to feel down. So here is a song you can listen to that will help you keep on keepin' on. It's family-friendly, and if you would like to read the lyrics you can click here.




Some of my favorite lines:

I'm a gladiator like Russell Crowe

Your job is what you get paid to do, your calling's what you're made to do

Instead of talking about how stressed you are, should be talking about how blessed you are


I also like how he says, I've got faith in you, you gon' make it through--even though he has no idea who he's talking to. This reminds me of counseling, because a good therapist is going to believe in his or her client's ability to make positive change regardless of the current circumstances.

And at 3:21 when he starts talking about how to respond to racism, I noticed a lot of parallels between what he said, and what I said to that guy outside of the restaurant. I hadn't heard this song at that point, but I am glad to see overlap in the messages. It just reminds me that even people that I don't know are doing the same work that I am doing, and trying to make the world a better place. cheese. forgive me.

I liked the shoutsout to the political prisoners at the end. It's also nice to see that Troy Davis has not been forgotten.

So my friends, remember to keep moving forward. If things are bad, there is still good to be found. And you have always have power (however limited it may seem,) to make things better.


If you've got comments, you know I want to hear them! So leave me one, if you'd like.

Happy Monday (:


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It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

Those of you that know me in real life probably know that I had a birthday recently. I'm 35 now--don't be jealous ;).

What you probably don't know, is that I witnessed an act of blatant racism at my birthday celebration, which really put a damper on the whole evening. Let me explain...

One thing I love is crab. Another thing I love is the concept of all-you-can-eat. Put those two together and you have all you can eat crab, or as I like to call it--a crabstravaganza.

Being the great guy that he is, my husband made reservations for us at a local seafood place that has all you can eat king crab legs on Thursdays. I personally wouldn't describe it as fancy, but they have tablecloths on the tables. And it's seafood for a landlocked state, so it wasn't cheap.

Anyhoo, we're there and we are enjoying ourselves talking. We had already paid the bill and were just kind of sitting there when all of a sudden we start to hear this commotion. All of a sudden, I hear someone say,

"GHETTO?! Something something something FUCKING GHETTO."

So, I turn to look and I see a youngish black man yelling. There are a few white people around him, I'm assuming trying to get him to stop. He starts to leave the restaurant and his date/girlfriend (who is white,) goes with him. I quickly got my coat and started to follow him out of the restaurant. As I get to the door, I hear someone talking on the phone saying, "He's leaving right now." I make two assumptions here: 1) That person is the manager and 2) The manager is talking to the police. I acknowledge that both of those things could be false.

So I'm trying to catch up with him and he is outside, still agitated, and now being followed by a cook at the restaurant. So I get to him and calmly say, "What happened?"

He tells us that he came in, was talking with his server and asked a question about the menu. Someone near him (he didn't know who,) said,

"Go back to the ghetto."

Yep.

Now, some of you might be wondering...Well, what did he ask the server?

To you I say, "WHAT IS A QUESTION THAT YOU COULD ASK YOUR SERVER THAT WOULD JUSTIFY SOMEONE SAYING, 'Go back to the ghetto.'"?!?

Those same some of yous may also be wondering, Well, what was he wearing?

Again, "HOW WOULD A PERSON NEED TO BE DRESSED TO JUSTIFY SOMEONE SAYING, 'Go back to the ghetto.'?!!?"

The white cook listened for awhile and then said, "Well, if that happened, I'm sorry." They shook hands and the cook went back inside.

So then he and I talked for a few minutes more. I told him that I was sorry that that happened to him, and that the person who did it was wrong. I told him that he should just keep doing the positive things that he was doing in his life. He had basically told me his whole life story in the few minutes that I was talking to him. I honestly think that what had just occurred was so jarring, that he was just still trying to comprehend what happened, so he was talking a mile a minute.

At the end of our conversation, he asked me if he could give me a hug. I was glad that he asked, because I wanted to give him one, but didn't want to offer. Then we all got in our respective cars and left.

I wish I had done two things differently:

1.) I wish I had given him a better hug, because I am an awesome hug-giver.

2.) I wish I had said, "Keep your head up." That exact phrase, because a stranger said it to me several years ago, and it had a profound impact on my life. It was random, but I guess the stars were all aligned that day or something.

My husband and I talked quite a bit about what happened, and like the title says, I did cry about it. I can already tell you that Anonymous doesn't like that, but you know what--I don't care. I am a sensitive person, and seeing people be cruel to one another makes me sad.

One of the things that we talked about was how the person that made the comment is probably feeling quite satisfied with himself, because he sees the outburst that happened as proof that his feelings were justified. Completely forgetting the fact that he is the one that started the whole pathetic scene by being a complete a-hole.

I mean, really--is it too much to ask that a person be free to go to whatever restaurant they'd like without wondering if some other random diner is going to try to insult him? I don't think so.

Then I wondered what all the other white diners did, after we left. I know other people heard what was said, how did they react?

Some suggestions from my id:

What the f-ck did you just say!? also,
You're an embarrassment to white people.

Some better ideas:

That was uncalled for. I know you think everyone agrees with you, but I don't.
From the manager: Please leave.

But who knows what happened? I don't.

I honestly believe that incidents like this are part of the reason that black people's life expectancy is 4 years shorter than white people's. Experiences like this raise your blood pressure. And even if they don't happen, wondering if they are going to happen when you're with unfamiliar people has to have an impact on your stress level.

I also thought about what allowed me to go out and talk to him, really without even thinking about it. I decided it was love.

Because it was my birthday, I had been showered with love that day from my friends and my family. People I've known since elementary school, new friends I've recently made, people I've never met except on the computer, people I only met once but thought were cool and made be my friend on Facebook--these people took time out of their day to show me that they cared about me. I was also blessed to grow up in a house where I felt valued and appreciated. I had just finished a dinner with a man that loves and respects me. All that love pushed me out the door to try and bring comfort to someone who needed it.

So, like I said in my status update the next day--try to spread love into the world. I think the guy who made the comment needed some more love in his life.Even if you're scared, just do what you know is right, and don't let fear hold you back. When you don't live your values, you let yourself down. That is worse than any likely negative repercussion you would face from speaking up.

I could say more, but I'll end it here. If you're thinking/feeling something--let me know in the comments.



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Are all violent crimes hate crimes?

'Sup.

How's your 2014 been so far? Mine's been...interesting. Not bad necessarily, just interesting. But I worked out this morning, so my blood is pumping and I'm ready to write a new blog post. Sweet.

Maybe you've heard and maybe you haven't, but a white guy shot and killed another white guy recently, because the first white guy wouldn't stop texting on his phone at the movies. In Florida.

Florida, what is the deal? You have been in the news for all the wrong reasons lately. Pull yourself together, (wo)man.

Here is a link if you'd like to read more.

Lots of thoughts about this, so let's just do it stream of consciousness style...

--If the guy who was dead was black, this would be getting a lot more news coverage. And some people would for sure be calling it a hate crime (or at the very least, racially motivated.) Which leads to the question...

--Is it possible for a white person to aggress against a black person and it not be a hate crime? How do you know when a crime has gone from just being a crime crime to a hate crime?

--Related: How come you never hear about black people committing hate crimes against white people? Is that even possible? Why or why not? One of the most common things that I see when I encounter writings of people on the internet who would describe themselves as white supremacists are these examples of crimes where white people were kidnapped and/or tortured and/or killed by black people, and the media is not covering the story and no one is calling it a hate crime.

--Statistically speaking, is it more common for a white person to be killed by a black person, or a black person to be killed by a white person? It is important to note that the probability of being killed by another person period is extremely, extremely low--I am just curious about the numbers.

--The guy who did the shooting was a retired cop. Not doing a lot to help the reputation of cops. I also heard that when they arrested him, they handcuffed him in the front, which is against protocol. I guess to make him look less like a common criminal. Again, not the best time to have your fellow cop's back. You can read more on my measured, rational ideas about the police here.

--I don't really see the point in hate crime legislation. I get it, the government is trying to send a message that -isms and -phobias are bad. They think the way to show that is to add extra time to your sentence if you do a crime because of an -ism or phobia. But the problem is this: Prisons suck, and they do very little to rehabilitate the people who go to them. So making a racist or homophobe spend more time in jail doesn't solve any problem. If anything, it creates a distraction because then politicians can say, "Hey look we care about this, as evidenced by us creating this extra punitive measure on the back end." Then, they do nothing about the front end and want us to think that's progress. But that leads to an even bigger question...

--What can they even do on the front end? People with these biases have a problem with their thinking, and it's not the government's job to be the thought police. I feel like this is an example of When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. The government's power comes through its ability to make laws, and at times I wonder if they think they can legislate racism out of existence. Obviously there is a lot that can be done for more justice in the court system, banking, and schooling just to name a few. But I wonder how much of this change needs to come from laws, and how much just needs to come from people who realize that we don't want to continue doing things the way we're doing them currently.

--Ok, I think that's all for now. If you have some thoughts that you'd like to share, you know I'd loove to hear them. Two "o"s. If that doesn't motivate you, I don't know what will.


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Music Mondays, and why hearing Black is Beautiful shouldn't scare you...

This song is for all of my black girls (and women). If you want to read the lyrics, you can click here.



Originally, I was just going to leave it that. But then I remembered this post, where I learned that it's important to explain to avoid ambiguity. And if you don't learn from your life experiences and change your behavior accordingly, what the heck are you doing with yourself?!

First, something non race-related: It's actually not a good idea to tell your children that if someone ever hurt them, that you would kill that person. Because God forbid someone was harming your children, the fear that you would go to jail for seeking revenge could actually keep your child from telling you about it. And we don't want that.

Okay, moving on...

I really like this song. It's got a great beat, and a positive, uplifting message. I hesitated a bit to post it here, because I don't want to give the impression to my white readers that being a black woman is just a giant bag of suck. I mean, the song is called Black Girl Pain for Pete's sake. But the reality is that black and brown girl's do face unique challenges that other people don't (if you need some examples, click here or here.) I'm sure this part of why Talib Kweli and Jean Grae chose to write what someone on Rap Genius called An Ode to Black Women.

I also know that some people might be put off by me saying, "This is for all of my black girls (and women)." Saying it's for one group of people implies that it's not for others. So...if you are not a black woman, but identify with any of the themes in the song--then it is for you as well.


But...why do I have to say that? Why are some people uncomfortable with hearing pro-black messages? Why are such messages sometimes perceived as Reverse Racism?

It's true, whenever you hear someone expressing a pro-white message, they usually have shaved head and a swastika and/or confederate flag on their jacket. So if pro-white is racist, then wouldn't pro-black be racist too?

No, and here's why: Being pro-black is more like being pro-Irish than it is being pro-white. When a white identity is discussed, it is usually in reference to white people being better than other people. The only people you hear talk about being proud to be white are white supremacists. But there are lots of Irish (and Italian and Polish and other,) Americans that are proud of their heritage, difficulties that they've overcome, distinct parts of their culture, etc. The reality is that white is way too big of a category for people to have legit sources of pride or connection. And it doesn't help that the whole concept of white only came to exist to justify the subjugation of people that weren't white. So it's kind of a flawed grouping to begin with. (I'm not saying white people are flawed, I'm saying the categorization of people as white has problems.)

But when you hear that someone is a proud Irish-American, people don't immediately become fearful, or think those Irish-Americans need to get over themselves or anything like that. You just think we're talking about a group that is proud of a unique part of their identity. And if you know anything about the history of white people in this country, you know that these white ethnics were pressured to give up their identities and assimilate (i.e. become more like the white immigrants from Western and Northern Europe that had arrived before them.) Many did, which is part of why you hear so many white people referring to themselves as mutts, or thinking that they don't have a distinctive culture. But some resisted, and held on to the traditions of the countries they were emigrating from. [Granted, these white ethnics don't have centuries of being enslaved and then targeted by the U.S. government for various forms of maltreatment--but other than that, it's pretty similar. :p] They held on to things that were important to them, and made this country more interesting and dynamic as a result.

So, white people, the next time you hear a black person say something pro-black, don't be scurred. Unless they're advocating physical violence towards you, I don't think you've got anything to be worried about.

And to all my black girls out there, when the world starts to get you down, remember:

Please hold your head up high
Don't be ashamed of yourself, no I
carry you forth until the day I die

belee' 'dat. (:

What do you think? Let me know by leaving me a comment.




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Black people, camping and you.

Commercial time! I've been working on a post on ENDA, but it requires thinking and arguments and reasoning and whatnot, so it's been taking me awhile to get it up. But this post just requires me to be funny, which comes just about as easily as breathing ;) And now I'm cracking up, because I always crack up when I say something I think is funny.

OKAY...Watch the commercial below:




Black people in the wilderness! Woot woot! Big house, big cabin, no smooth jazz playing in the background*--This trend of people of color doing stuff that is not stereotypically associated with them might just be here to stay. I say might because it might not.

For example, I was watching this documentary about the 60's and the hippies. They were talking about how when an idea gets really big corporations co-opt it and then use it to sell their products. Like that, I'd like to teach the world to sing commercial that Coke put out. That was all about riding the wave of the various civil rights movements that were going on during that time and contorting it into an opportunity to sell product. Since we elected a black president, it is safe to say that we are looking for something different when it comes to race. Corporations are listening, and so now they're making commercials like the one above.

I am just wary because you know what happened after the 60's and 70's? The 80's. Politically it was a shift back in a lot of ways--the War on Drugs ramped up and really damaged the black community. I can't help but wonder if something similar is going to happen after Obama finishes up. Are we going to see some Reagan-esque guy get elected? The pundits are saying there's no way Republicans can ever win nationally again unless they change their strategy and reach out to groups of color, but is that really true? The Tea Party is mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. I could see one party getting complacent/cocky and another party getting fired up and organized and moving everything back a few decades. I'm not trying to say here that I think Democrat= good Republican= bad, even though it might seem like it. I'm just trying to point out the fact that these things seem to ebb and flow and I'm concerned that the move towards more multi-dimensional representations of black people might ebb again. I'm a fan of perma-flow.

In case you were wondering, I actually like camping. If by camping you mean sitting around a fire, drinking beer and looking at the stars. But if you mean not showering, walking far, and peeing on the ground, then no--I don't like camping. But I'm thinking this has more to do with my life experiences and personal preferences than being black.

So what do you think? Do you think the increased and varied exposure we're seeing of marginalized groups is here to stay? Why or why not? Feel free to talk about this or anything else in the comments.

*If you're a new reader, know that I like smooth jazz and many other things that are stereotypically associated with black people. I am not arguing that some presentations are better or worse, just advocating for a variety of representations like white people have the privilege of seeing. I would also strongly encourage you to like myblackfriendsays.com on Facebook and/or follow me on Twitter. Thank you kindly (: