You love my smile, no matter how chipped my toof is.

So a few months ago, my husband I went to Ruth's Chris steakhouse for dinner. I think it was a Friday night, we made reservations, that whole deal. So we go inside, and the hostess begins to take us to our seats.

The restaurant is pretty empty, with lots of tables open. The hostess takes us to our booth, which is in the back of the restaurant right by the kitchen. Hmmm...

My first instinct is to say, "Oh, she's sitting us back here in the colored section." I could get pissed, but I don't want to ruin our evening out, so I let it go.

Then I see the next group that are seated by us: An Asian guy and his white wife. A little later, the table next to them: a black woman with her two kids. The black woman said something to the hostess, and they left our hole...never to be seen again.

Why am I writing about this? I think to just give you glimpse into what my life is like. Our dinner was fine, our server was nice and the food was good. I just think it's weird that the only three parties with people of color in them were in the most secluded part of the restaurant. Was it racially motivated? I don't know...and I'll never know. That's what's so annoying about it, it's not like the hostess would admit that was the reason, even if she was asked directly. Was the hostess even aware that that was happening? If so, what was the reasoning for it?

I think that this is one of those situations that the term "ignorance is bliss" was created for. If I was just someone who didn't pay attention to my surroundings, I wouldn't have been annoyed by this, and I might be a happier person.

The problem is people of color can't go around thinking that everything is cool when it comes to racism, because at some point or another a situation will occur where there is no question, "This person has a serious problem with me because of the color of my skin." You don't want to be caught unawares during that situation, so you always just kind of have your feelers out.

According to sitemeter, people are actually reading this. Awesome. Feel free to leave me a comment :)

You're what the French call, "Les incompetent"

Bonus points if you know what movie that's from...

There was an SNL sketch many years ago (Jimmy Smits was hosting) where they were in an office and trying to decide what they wanted to eat for lunch. They were mentioning a lot of Mexican dishes, and every time they did, they said them with this really exaggerated Spanish accent. This was during one of SNL's "not funny" periods, so it wasn't that entertaining.

BUT, it did get me thinking-- What makes it weird/funny for people who aren't native Spanish speakers to use an accent when saying Spanish words? When a person uses a French word or phrase, the expectation is that he/she will attempt to replicate the correct French pronunciation. What makes it different for Spanish?

Say my two examples out loud...
Example: Je ne sais quoi. If you know this phrase, chances are you said it much like a Parisian would.
Example: Enchilada. Not so much with this one. What's up with that?


My theory is because French is seen as being cooler and more sophisticated, and Spanish is not. Why? Because white people speak French, and brown people speak Spanish.

Which leads me to a somewhat related topic--Spaniards. When you think of a person from Spain, do you associate them more closely with Europe, or Latin America? Do Spainiards consider themselves "white"? For that matter, do lighter-skinned Europeans consider themselves "white", or is that a concept that stays within the borders of the U.S.A? Inquiring minds want to know.

Good Night and Good Luck

When I first started this blog, I intended it to be a place where white people could ask me questions about black people, white people, racism, etc. The reasoning is this: I know a lot of white people and I like white people. Sometimes they really annoy me, but most of the time they're fine. I thought that would make me a good candidate to ask questions of, because I wouldn't get so pissed all the time. Also, I would be doing my part to help increase awareness and understanding about this very complicated and (for most people,) uncomfortable issue.

So far no one has really asked me anything, so I've noticed that it's turned into me sharing my own experiences with race. I think that's fine because it does the whole increasing understanding bit, but I have to say my intention was for the blog to be a little more interactive. So if you're reading this...ask me a question!

So...what do I want to talk about today? Ah yes... Why does Byron Pitts always do the stories related to black people on the CBS evening news?

For those of you that don't know, Byron is black and he covers a wide variety of stories as their National Correspondent. But you can almost be certain that if it's about black people--it's Byron. James Brown dies? Byron. Ed Bradley's funeral? Byron. Two black coaches in the Super Bowl? Byron.

Why does it seem like it's Byron who interviews all the black people? I just went to the CBSnews.com website, typed in "African-American" and lo and behold, every story (with one exception) I clicked on that wasn't from another news source was either covered by Byron Pitts or Michelle Miller, another black reporter.

I can think of two possible explanations. First, people at CBS News think that black people who are about to be interviewed will be more comfortable if they're talking to a fellow black person, so the story might be better.

The second possibility is that the CBS News people don't really like the "black stories" so they give them to the "black reporters." What I mean is that the execs don't care and/or don't think their white viewing audience will care about the story so they say, "Well, since the black people are the ones who'll be watching this--let's put the black reporter on it."

There are problems with both of these ways of thinking. With the first rationale, that may be true that the black interviewees would prefer to talk to a black newsperson. But, how are they ever going to get more comfortable with the idea of talking to a white person if they don't have to? AND, how are white journalists ever going to get more comfortable interviewing people of color if the stories are always given to the non-white people on the staff?

If it's the second reason, that's a little more disturbing. If we live in a country where white people hear about stories regarding black people or see stories covered by black journalists, and become immediately less interested...that's a problem that we have to talk about.

I can venture to say that there are some white people who see stories about people of another race and say "this is not relevant to me, I'm not interested." Whether or not they add the layer of "I don't like hearing stories about people who aren't white," I don't know and can't say. I doubt it because that would be more blatant, and I think most white people like to be very subtle when it comes to their attitudes about race.

That's all for now.. as always, I welcome your comments.

confidential and anonymous

I am a graduate student in psychology. Maybe I already said that--maybe not. Anyhow, I was in class last night listening to a presentation in my research methods class. We had to do an assignment where we had to develop a measure and then give a brief presentation. One group chose to make their measure about couple satisfaction, and the students in our class made up the bulk of the sample.

Pretty interesting survey: it asked about shared interests, values, household labor, sex, hobbies, etc.

At the end of the survey I noticed that one of their demographic questions was race. I was hestitant to fill it out because I _knew_ that they were probably not going to have a racially diverse sample (I am the only person of color in my class,) and my concern was that if I indicated my race, the survey would no longer be anonymous, and they would have pretty detailed information about my level of satisfaction in my relationship.

I thought about it and decided that I wasn't going to check "white" because I was not white. But I was concerned enough that when I turned this survey in I made a point to say to one of the group members, "Make sure that you get some other 'African-American' respondents because I don't want it to be obvious what survey is mine." She assured me that they would.

Lo and behold, when they are presenting to the class they have gotten no other African-American respondents, so my results are availalable for everyone in class to see. So much for "confidential and anonymous."

Now is the part where I say: I don't think these women are racist dumbasses who did this intentionally. I know both of them: they're friendly people.

However, I think what they did was extremely irresponsible. It was very short sighted of them not to realize that if they had a demographic group of only one person, it is pretty pointless to present the results. First, because it has absolutely no statistical significance. Second, because the results are no longer confidential if the respondent is easily identified by others.

It also makes me upset, because I went through the trouble of bringing my concerns to one of the members, only to have her basically lie to me. It's like, "If you're not going to have a racially diverse sample, don't tell me that you are. That's just rude."

So I debated sending them both an email saying that I thought it was irresponsible, but decided against it because I thought they would immediately become defensive, and I didn't feel like dealing with it.

So instead I write about it on my blog, for who knows who in the universe to find it and read about it.

As always, I welcome your comments.

And all I got was this lousy t-shirt...

I'm going to tell you a little story about my Halloween. I went to a party where the theme was "drag." The most obvious interpretation was that you were supposed to come dressed in drag, but guests were free to be a little more "creative" if they wished. I personally think it was just a way to give guys a way out of dressing up in women's clothing, but whatever...

So most people at the party did come in the clothing more common for the opposite gender. I was an old man--Hawaiian shirt, floppy hat, flip-flops with socks--it was a good look. There was one guy who came as a cigarette. And then there was another guy who came in wearing a t-shirt that said:

"I got dragged in Jasper, TX and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."

His t-shirt had fake blood on it, and I think that was pretty much the whole costume. He saved us the pleasure of seeing him in blackface, but the point of the costume was clear. He was coming as James Byrd Jr., the black man who was dragged to his death by two white men in 1998.

How clever. And funny.

A lot of the people at this party were gay, and I doubt that this dude would have come as Matthew Shepard tied to a post if the theme had been "Wyoming" or something like that.

The whole incident pissed me off for several reasons: 1) The guy thought it would be funny to come as a person that was a victim of a hate crime. I understand that people like to dress up as dead people for Halloween, but I have never heard of a person coming as a murder victim, much less the victim of a hate crime. 2) This guy would not have worn this costume to a party full of black people, so why did he wear it to this party?

I have the answer to my own question: He wore it because he knew that more than likely no one was going to say anything to him about it. I got all kinds of excuses from my white fellow guests about why talking to him was not a good idea: It's a party, everyone's trying to have a good time, he didn't mean anything by it, etc., etc.

There are always a ton of excuses that can be made to try to avoid putting yourself out there for something that doesn't directly affect you. I find as I get older that my patience is wearing thin for people who like to make excuses. If you don't give a shit about racism because as a white person you benefit from it, then just say that. I can understand that, it makes logical sense. But don't act like you care (like some of my white liberal friends,) and then fail to do anything when your feet are to the fire.

That's all for now. As always, I welcome your comments.