Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions...

Today I was reminded of something I blurted late one night about seven years ago after I had a few redbull and vodkas. I was out with my friend and we met some Jewish singles that were doing a pub crawl, and we decided to crawl with them to the last couple places they were going. That was only one of three nights that I've ever had Redbull and vodka, but I have decided that it is the best drink to have when you really want to party. You're welcome.

Anyway, I was walking with my new friends and I said, I hate going to the drycleaners!

I should mention that we were walking past a dry cleaner.

I then proceeded to explain to them that I actually hate going anywhere to purchase a good or service where the prices are not clearly posted. This is not something that I had really thought much about until I saw this Primetime Live story in high school. They had two guys white and black go different places, act and dress the same, and see what happened.

Through the magic of the internet, I was able to find the program. Feel free to watch if you want. Personally, I found it riveting:



And if you're a masochist, you can watch part II here.

If you don't have time, what you see is a whole bunch of racism. And at about 8 minutes into the first video, the black guy goes to a car dealership and is quoted a higher down payment and total cost for the exact same car from the exact same car salesman.

I can get kind of get past the other stuff, but when you start to mess with my money, I get angry. I mean seriously--DON'T MESS WITH MY MONEY!!! Unlike Big Worm, I think it's actually worse than playing with my emotions. Because I can do my own work to deal with my emotions. But money is an actual tangible, fungible, finite thing that I can use to pay off debt, save for retirement, or send my kids to college. And when your racist ass tries to make me pay $1500 more for a car...WTF? I'm going to stop, because I can feel myself getting less coherent because of my strong desire to punch that car salesman in the face.

So ever since I saw that I am very wary of doing business in places without posted prices/with negotiable prices. And today I decided to go the auto body shop to see how much it cost to fix some scrapes on my car. The guy (older white guy) was actually quite nice and gave me two quotes--one if we wanna just do a basic fix and one if we wanna go ultra with it. And the most expensive quote was actually several hundred dollars less than the quote my white husband got when he took the car to a different body shop. But because of that video, I can't help but wonder what price my husband would have been quoted if he'd brought it into that same shop.

If I may, allow me to preemptively respond to some comments from Anonymous.

That black salesmen ignored the black guy too!

I know, Anonymous. That's called internalized racism, and it sucks much like racism racism.

Women/ugly people/gay people/short people/whatever kind of other people get treated badly too!

Yes, I know--what is your point?

If you get ripped off on a car, that's your fault--it's your responsibility to be a savvy consumer.

Yeah, I can see where you're coming from with this one. At the same time, I don't want to live in a world where people are constantly trying to rip other people off, behaving illogically, and just generally being a-holes. If enough people decide that such behavior is unacceptable, it could be eliminated--or at least drastically reduced.

Wow, your blog is quite amazing! Your writing is smooth and wet. Please check out my blog [_insert hyperlink to some shady as hell website here_]

Damn you, Russian spammers! I took captchas off my blog in hopes more people would comment, and now I have to deal with getting all excited when I see I have a comment only to find this crap.

This video is really old--we have a black president now!

Both of those things are true. Readers, what do you think the outcome would be if they filmed this in 2014? I myself can't say, but if I had to guess I'd say you'd find similar results. The eternal optimist in me says perhaps the incidences of racism would be less frequent, not daily like they said in the video. But I think they would still occur, because this happened to me when Barack Obama had already been president for three years.

Stop complaining/get over it/you're being to sensitive/etc.,etc.etc.

Anonymous, 8 years in and I'm finally starting to get tired of your shit. Read this and then go away.





Ok, ok, ok, you don't have to go away...I was just letting my frustrations get the best of me. If you want to engage me in good faith, I'll continue to talk to you. Because I truly believe that we have to talk all this -ish out. Because like MLK said We must learn to live together as brothers, or perish together as fools.

I suppose a third option would be brothers who finally decide they will never be able to get along and live in different parts of what used to be the United States but became several separate countries. Said brothers don't talk on the phone, aren't Facebook friends, and never see each other--not even on holidays...I'm thinking the first option is probably better.


Okay, I'm talking to all of you again.

Did you know MLK's name at birth was actually Michael? His father changed both their names when Junior was 6, to honor the father of the Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther. I learned that when I did a report on him in 7th grade. How to stop being racist #18: Encourage your kids to do reports on black people. In my 20 years of schooling, I can't recall a white classmate ever doing a report on a black person.



So dear readers...

What was your reaction to the video?
What were those shoe salesmen thinking? Don't shoe salesmen work on commission?
Answer these questions, or write about whatever else you want in the comments.





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Follow-Up Fridays

Ok folks, let's see how this is going to go. So many points to go over, and I am not really sure the best way to organize this.


We should start at the beginning. This entire post is going to be about this post that I wrote last week. I would suggest that you read that post, and the comments that people left before we get started here.

I am going to start with Andrea's comment. First, I want to say thanks to Andrea for being a long-time reader of my blog and also for deciding to comment on that post. I hope that if you read what I have to say in response to your comment and you have more to say, that you will leave me another comment. Then you can become part of my small commenting crew that I love (shout out to all my regular commenters :)

Andrea (like everyone,) said a lot of different things. I am not going to post the whole comment, just some highlights.

You said that racism has to involve a disadvantage, and I can tell from this blog that you have an educational advantage over many white people.


I do have an educational advantage over many white people. First, I was born with a certain level of intelligence. Then, I lived in neighborhoods that allowed me to go to very good schools my entire life. I had engaged teachers, and lots of educational resources at my disposal. I also had parents that had enough money for me to do extra-curricular activities, on top of the already great education I was receiving during school hours.

I was also the only black kid in my classes 98% percent of the time. We always hear this story about black kids going to college and it being some kind of culture shock. Not me. I was all, "Hey! More white people--this is just like high school!"

The reality is, my educational experience is not the educational experience of most black people. And I will be the first to admit that I have a lot of privileges that a broke, uneducated white person doesn't have. But I am wondering why seeing people that looked like me was so uncommon in my high school experience, yet so common when I watch these documentaries about our broken education system where kids don't even have books, or teachers that show up to teach them. The fact that I am such an anomaly is a sign of the institutional racism I am talking about.

This is a good segue into Chunk Hatzumomo's question:

would a white person with little money or power be considered a racist.

Great question, Chunk Hatzumomo. This person can be a racist under the hating people of color definition, but not in terms of exerting power over the life of a person of color definition. Except maybe through doing some sort of physical violence, because that is what I would be most afraid of if I came across a person like this.

You make a good point when you say this caricature is what most white people think of when they think of a racist. I think this idea of the uneducated, trailer-living, klan member is a convenient distraction because it allows other white people to say, "Well, I'm not like that guy, let me go along my merry way." Without ever having to look at the things that they are doing that do contribute to the problem of racism.


Okay, back to Andrea.

because of your skin color you don't believe that you could ever be racist. I think that other groups feel that they have a free pass to act in racist ways toward white people because of the same mom/dad thing you were writing about the other day.

I did not say that I could never be racist. If we're using the hating people of a different race definition, I said in my original post that all people are capable of being racist. And even in my mom/dad post, the whole point of that post was that if the tables were turned and the marginalized groups became the dominant groups, that they would have to make sure to fight the tendency to do the things that were done to them, out of some sort of retaliation. Like the guy who pledges the fraternity and gets hazed really badly, and becomes the most sadistic frat brother when it's his turn to do the hazing. I won't call it human nature, but there is definitely something that can happen with people who have been wronged. I first heard it on that show Beyond Scared Straight on A&E: Hurt people hurt people. I think it is probably just easier to inflict pain on others when you've been hurt, than it is to have compassion
for the people that hurt you, or just for people in general.

I have always found the highlighted part of your racish condescending and somewhat offensive. I can't imagine a situation where a white blogger could use the phrase "doesn't that make you happy black people?" without being thought of as racist.

I don't think it's racist, I think it's funny. It was meant as a joke. The reason that I wrote that part of the definition is because one one thing I have noticed about some white people is how upset they get about the idea that there are things that people of color are allowed to say that white people aren't allowed to say (we all know what I am talking about.)

I bet if you took a survey, this topic would be in the top three of things related to race that white people would want to discuss. It's like, "Really? Of everything, this is what you want to talk about?

Now, the phrase being condescending--I could see that. It wasn't my intention for it to be condesending or offensive, so that should settle that part of it. If a white blogger wrote something similar, I wouldn't think it was racist. Racish, maybe--but that just gives us an opportunity to talk about it further, because that's what it means for something to be racish.

Ok, JD is up next

People of color can be racist against other people of color

True. This is called internalized racism. Sorry JD, I could write more about this, but I still have a lot to cover and I am already getting tired of writing. I'm sure you understand.

what does it mean to be "white"?

I think this is an excellent question. I know when I think of white I think first of people who descended from Western and Northern Europeans, followed by people whose ancestors come from Eastern and Southern Europe. I would not consider people from the Middle East or Latinos white, even though the U.S. Census would.

I think the myriad of ways that one could answer this question just helps to support the idea that the entire concept of race is a social construct and doesn't have any "true" meaning. You can read more about my thoughts about what it means to be white by clicking here . There is also a book in my Read More Books sidebar called Learning to be White that talks about this. I also just checked out a book from the library called The History of White People that might give some info--maybe I'll write a blog post about it when I'm done reading.

And now: my mom. I know you are all jealous that your mom's don't comment on your blogs (and vociferously disagree with you to boot ;)

a black person's racism can be quantifiable and have a significant negative impact on a white person. If I don't like my white boss, I can sabotage his success. I can sue a company if I feel discriminated against and impact their bottom line. I can get myself in a position of power and perform reverse discrimination as deftly and shrewdly as the next white guy.

One important thing that I left out of my definition of racism that I thought of in two minutes was the idea that the best examples highlight some kind of pattern. So mom, if there is a pattern of white bosses being sabotaged by their racist black employees, or qualified white males being denied opportunities at every turn because of "reverse discrimination," I would like to see them. And the idea that a black person suing for experiencing racism is itself racist--I don't have a response to that.


If your ancestors were guilty of some heinous act and you had to suffer for it today, would that feel good?

I don't think white people are suffering because of what their ancestors did (or didn't do.) They might feel some combination of gulity, confused, ashamed, angry, proud, neutral, defensive, concerned or any number of other emotions--but suffering is not how I would describe it.

Alas, I am not white, so if any of my white readers want to jump in and let me and my mom know how you feel about the "heinous acts" of your ancestors--leave me a comment.

Perhaps by having a belief that whites are the ones "doing all the racism" and you being a powerless person of color, you are hurting no one but yourself by having those beliefs.

This part of your comment really pissed me off. Do you really think that I believe I am powerless? I know you can't really think that. Right now I am just shaking my head at the computer screen.

The fact that I spend time writing about power and different ways that I, and other people are treated unfairly because of the different ways that we don't conform to the dominant culture is not an example of me being powerless, it is an example of me having power. You say that thinking that white people "do all the racism" makes me angry and defensive. No, having racism done to me is what makes me angry and defensive. It doesn't really matter what I think, it matters what I live and what I see other people living. This makes me angry. This makes me angry. This.

And this.And this.And this.And this.

These things happen whether I write about them or not. Coming here and writing about them makes me less angry, because it lets me feel like I am doing something to change this fucked up world we live in. Sorry mom, I know you don't like it when I curse, but sometimes curse words are the most appropriate words to use.

Okay, I am going to wrap it up. I have to admit, I was apprehensive about responding to my mom on the public forum that is my blog. But then I remembered that what I know about people tells me that the majority of you have complicated relationships with your moms too. This makes me feel less weird about it.

I also want to point out that I spent the bulk of my time talking about privileged black people, underprivileged white people, brown on brown racism, white Arabs with blond hair, and scheming and conniving black employees. What are the reasons for this? Who/what are we not talking about when we're talking about those people?

I'll leave you with a comment from my white friend John Ferguson:

Water flows downstream, and so water molecules flow downstream. Of course for a moment, because of an intervening event (like a rock thrown into the river causing a splash), some water molecules might go upstream. Not too informative about the way rivers work, or where the water is going to end up.

I would really love to hear your comments, so please--share them with me.

Fewer words than usual Wednesday

Yes, I know this picture is a lot like this picture and these pictures from other wordless wednesday posts. But don't get mad at me, get mad at the companies for making so easy for me to find material. Besides, this one's got a ladder! You know, in case the messages from the other pictures were too subtle :p

I apologize for the reflection and blurriness, I was trying to take the pic as fast as possible in case someone who worked in the store decided to come out. And if there's anybody out there who finds pictures that reinforce or debunk my theory, feel free to send them to me at: myblackfriend at my blackfriendsays dot com. Be sure to include your name/alias and where you got the picture from.

Comments? Leave 'em.